is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
