sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
