I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
