I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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