im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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