He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
