you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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