i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
