I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
