margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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