booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
