Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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