Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
