That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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