Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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