one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
