Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
