who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
