chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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