god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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