what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
