So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
