woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
