Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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