RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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