I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
