We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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