It's Friday. Sex?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
