i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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