Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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