I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
