girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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