dude i'm inner monologue high
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
