Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am one with the molecules
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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