i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
