also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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