Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
