My first STD was from a foam party
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
