I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
