I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
