I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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