are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
