You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
