non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
