my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
