also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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