the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
