then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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