Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
