I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
