Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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