I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
