Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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