This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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