We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
