you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
