If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
