that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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