So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
