Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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