One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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