Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
