you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
