he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
