textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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