i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
