True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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