once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
