Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
