Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
