made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
