This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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