I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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