I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
