She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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