Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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