I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
